Living Under the Cloud of Suspicion and Scrutiny

Casey Anthony was found not guilty for the death of her two year old daughter Caylee. She will be released from prison as early as tomorrow but will she really be free?

OJ Simpson was found not guilty and although he is currently in jail because of a unrelated charge, his life has not truly been free. Suspicion and scrutiny has followed him and will continue to until the die he dies.

Casey Anthony was found not guilty but that does not mean that she is innocent. She has helped to put the finishing touches on destroying her family unit; one that was already quite damaged. She cannot go home again.

The offers will be pouring in to Casey to tell her story. She will become a mini-pseudo-celebrity as sick as that sounds. She will embrace it.

I feel for anyone who has been wrongly accused of a crime because that label sticks for life. Being accused and found not guilty does not mean that you can easily pick up your life and move on. There will always be those who feel that you got away with the crime you were accused of.

In Casey's case, the majority of the public believes that she is guilty of killing her daughter. How do you move on from that?

Casey is in need of some intense therapy. Will it be enough for her to finally take responsibility for her actions? Just like an addict who denies their addiction, unless Casey can own up to her lies, she will repeat her past behavior. She has gotten away with possibly murdering or unlawful disposing of her daughter's body. She will repeat this kind of crime again unless she faces the demons that live inside her.

Casey may not be spending any more time in prison but the prison that she will be in will be far worse. Just ask OJ.

Overcoming Dysfunctional Behavior

For some people, dysfunction is normal to them. Usually this kind of revelation happens when someone enters into therapy or has a life-changing moment that makes them reflect. 

Just because you were raised with some level of dysfunction does not mean that the cycle has to continue. Any kind of positive change takes work and it doesn’t happen overnight. 

There will be tears, anger and frustration and even feelings of self-pity as you go through the process of evaluating your upbringing. You can break the cycle of dysfunction and learn how to live a healthier life.

Forgiveness will be a part of your journey to leave the pain of your past behind. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting but accepting that we are all human and often dysfunction is a cycle that is repeated. Babies do not come with instruction manuals and although we strive to be the best parents we can be, sometimes we fall short of our own expectations.

Other times the dysfunction is due to someone’s addiction. Not to place blame solely on the effects of a substance but substance abuse is a disease that causes someone to act in ways they normally would not. 

We all are constantly growing, learning and life is always changing. We can strive to be more present in the moment and be more consciously aware of how our actions affect those around us. No matter what our upbringing taught us, we can break the cycle by being more aware.

Holidays and Dysfunctional Families

Holidays can be difficult in many families. Maybe in your family you always feel like a victim and out of some twisted sense of obligation, you keep putting up with it.

Forcing control in a relationship is a sign of abuse but too many people look the other way. They accept it and live their lives like martyrs when they should be standing up to their abuser. When the abuser is your family member, it can take a strong person to leave and never look back. It is your family after all.

We put so much into that word “family”. Our expectations of each other are often higher and although we may feel that we are being loving, our actions prove to be anything but. It is hard to parent when you are mimicking what you learned growing up. Few people are able to break the cycle of dysfunction without recognizing that something is not right with how they are living their lives.

It does take courage to look in the mirror and accept that your childhood wasn’t perfect. A person should not feel so alone. Few people can honestly say that they grew up without any moments that they would rather forget.

When you can forgive the dysfunction that you grew up with and leave the past behind, you will grow as a person. You can heal from the wounds that scarred you and learn how to not make the same mistakes. Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook and we can only listen to our hearts and let it be our guide. When you grow up in being taught to deny what you see it can become a way of coping. Pretending becomes easier and you go through your life allowing others to take advantage of your good nature.

You will never get what you really need because you don’t feel worthy of asking for it. You may try and control those in your life, and for a while, it may work. If you are dealing with someone who is strong-willed, you will not be able to control them for long. Battles will begin as you butt heads with the strong-willed person eventually putting the dysfunctional past behind them.

If you are lucky, you can attempt to have a relationship with someone who has caused you pain in the past. Accepting the person for who they are but not allowing them to have the same power they once did will put you in control of your life- the way it should be.

We can co-exist even with differences in opinions. If we do so with mutual respect, love and compassion, the past dysfunction can be healed.

When you have accepted your past for what it was and decide to break the cycle, it can be liberating. It will take time to re-learn how to react to people and circumstances. You become programmed when you are exposed to any form of abuse. Breaking bad habits never happens overnight. With time and patience and a good support system you can learn healthier ways to have relationships.

Holidays can become the joyous occasions that they were meant to be; not a source of dread.