Grief has me frozen from being able to breathe. As much as I argue with myself, I can't seem to move beyond it.
I know he is in a better place. I know his soul is free of the body that had worn out. But still my mind wrestles with the "what if's" and "I should have".
I have seen others do this when they lost someone they love. Somehow the advice I always gave to others seems lost on myself.
The man I knew as my dad had been somewhat lost to me for years before he passed. Life changes and his aging changed him from the dad I would go to for advice to a man that seemed to be waiting to die in order to escape a life that he felt was passing him by.
It is selfish of us (his family) to not be able to let him go. He really was ready to move on to what's next. He was there for us and gave us his all. His family meant the world to him and he left behind his legacy in his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and countless others that he touched in his time here.
We all have our memories that will never leave us. We carry him in our hearts forever through our memories which are filled with love. Love never dies and even death doesn't end that.
Death isn't the end and I am sure of that.
Grief isn't forever and hopefully as each day ends I will get closer to being in a place where my sadness doesn't feel all-consuming. Hopefully I get to a place where I can think of my dad and smile without tears.