I admire Alaina Giordano . She is battling stage 4 breast cancer and appealing a custody ruling that will move her two children more than 800 miles away from her.
She has opened herself up to criticism from complete strangers all in a desperate effort to continue the fight to overturn an incompetent judge's ruling that discriminated against her because she has breast cancer. Ever the optimist, I believe that the best place for Alaina's children is with her.
As a mom myself (and a twice-divorced mom), from the minute I first became pregnant with my first child 30 years ago, my life became about my children. I was not the perfect parent, like Alaina, I made mistakes. Honestly I can say that I did my best for my children. I tried. That is all that you can do as a parent.
Parents who have children with special needs have a more difficult time when raising their children. You do the research and you learn the best way to cope with whatever challenge your child has. When you have more than one child, balancing it all is tough. Sometimes people expect parents to be super-human and will judge you on what you did not do and not see the challenges that you were faced with and overcame.
The harshest critic of your parenting skills sometimes turns out to be your child. As someone who blamed her own parents for their shortcomings I get it. The difference is that I have forgiven my parents and once I understood where they "came from" it made it all easier to accept. It does me no good as a person to hold onto resentment and anger.
When a parent has been horribly abusive, forgiveness is essential for your own mental health. You do not need to continue a relationship with your parent (s) but forgiving them and moving on will benefit you.
I did my best to not make the same parenting mistakes that my parents did. I am confident that I managed well. Remembering how hard it was to be a single mom of two young girls is something that I will never ever forget. It was lonely, stressful, tiring and through it all I felt blessed.
I remember watching my girls sleep at night and all I ever wanted was the best for them. I promised myself that I would encourage them to be who they were meant to be. I wanted to raise strong women who had a strong sense of self and would be self-sufficient. They could tell me anything (and they did). I listened when they spoke. I stood up for them when they were right and I told them the truth when they needed to hear it.
Although my marriages did not work out and this made their childhoods chaotic at times, the relationship with my ex-husbands were always cordial because we cared about them. They really have no clue how good they had it. They certainly do not appreciate it.
I never expected anything from them except for each of them to try their best, live an honest life and be true to themselves. So when adulthood came and neither of them showed that they could accept responsibility for their own actions and instead blamed me for their lives, I resented their attitudes. When your adult child disappoints you you can feel guilty and look to the past for something that you did wrong.
It used to bother me a lot. I had told them both that I was here for them, I offered to do what was in my power to do and then heard through the grapevine that they accused me of not doing anything for them.
I literally have hundreds of pictures of them throughout the years. I sit and look at them and the memories are so fresh in my mind. It was hectic, crazy, and fun. There was lots of laughter and tears. I remember wondering what they would be like when they grew up. I never expected that it would be the way it is today.
It just scares me because life is short. Living your daily life estranged from two of your children is painful. You try not to think about it but you do miss having them in your life. Maybe I am just stubborn but I am not going to beg my children to have me be a part of their lives.
There comes a time in life where you need to do self-reflection. You need to be able to say "I was wrong". You need to be able to forgive those that you feel wronged you.
I was not the kind of parent who deserves this. I never abused my children in any way. I was not a perfect parent but I tried.
The truth is that some young adults just need to grow up, get over themselves and appreciate what their parents did for them.
Any relationship worth having takes work. The parent/child relationship can be the hardest one of all.
She has opened herself up to criticism from complete strangers all in a desperate effort to continue the fight to overturn an incompetent judge's ruling that discriminated against her because she has breast cancer. Ever the optimist, I believe that the best place for Alaina's children is with her.
As a mom myself (and a twice-divorced mom), from the minute I first became pregnant with my first child 30 years ago, my life became about my children. I was not the perfect parent, like Alaina, I made mistakes. Honestly I can say that I did my best for my children. I tried. That is all that you can do as a parent.
Parents who have children with special needs have a more difficult time when raising their children. You do the research and you learn the best way to cope with whatever challenge your child has. When you have more than one child, balancing it all is tough. Sometimes people expect parents to be super-human and will judge you on what you did not do and not see the challenges that you were faced with and overcame.
The harshest critic of your parenting skills sometimes turns out to be your child. As someone who blamed her own parents for their shortcomings I get it. The difference is that I have forgiven my parents and once I understood where they "came from" it made it all easier to accept. It does me no good as a person to hold onto resentment and anger.
When a parent has been horribly abusive, forgiveness is essential for your own mental health. You do not need to continue a relationship with your parent (s) but forgiving them and moving on will benefit you.
I did my best to not make the same parenting mistakes that my parents did. I am confident that I managed well. Remembering how hard it was to be a single mom of two young girls is something that I will never ever forget. It was lonely, stressful, tiring and through it all I felt blessed.
I remember watching my girls sleep at night and all I ever wanted was the best for them. I promised myself that I would encourage them to be who they were meant to be. I wanted to raise strong women who had a strong sense of self and would be self-sufficient. They could tell me anything (and they did). I listened when they spoke. I stood up for them when they were right and I told them the truth when they needed to hear it.
Although my marriages did not work out and this made their childhoods chaotic at times, the relationship with my ex-husbands were always cordial because we cared about them. They really have no clue how good they had it. They certainly do not appreciate it.
I never expected anything from them except for each of them to try their best, live an honest life and be true to themselves. So when adulthood came and neither of them showed that they could accept responsibility for their own actions and instead blamed me for their lives, I resented their attitudes. When your adult child disappoints you you can feel guilty and look to the past for something that you did wrong.
It used to bother me a lot. I had told them both that I was here for them, I offered to do what was in my power to do and then heard through the grapevine that they accused me of not doing anything for them.
I literally have hundreds of pictures of them throughout the years. I sit and look at them and the memories are so fresh in my mind. It was hectic, crazy, and fun. There was lots of laughter and tears. I remember wondering what they would be like when they grew up. I never expected that it would be the way it is today.
It just scares me because life is short. Living your daily life estranged from two of your children is painful. You try not to think about it but you do miss having them in your life. Maybe I am just stubborn but I am not going to beg my children to have me be a part of their lives.
There comes a time in life where you need to do self-reflection. You need to be able to say "I was wrong". You need to be able to forgive those that you feel wronged you.
I was not the kind of parent who deserves this. I never abused my children in any way. I was not a perfect parent but I tried.
The truth is that some young adults just need to grow up, get over themselves and appreciate what their parents did for them.
Any relationship worth having takes work. The parent/child relationship can be the hardest one of all.
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